Sometimes you really don’t realize how you feel about something until you actually have to deal with it. Sure, it’s easy to say that you can take what life gives you, make lemonade out of lemons, etc, etc, etc. If I am meant to go down this other path so be it. I am totally ok with that you tell your self. Then that day comes. Life puts a big old stop sign in your face and says, “Um yeah, this road is closed. Go use that one.” And you think, “But I know this road. I know all the short cuts on this road. I know all my favorite coffee places and book stores, and I have lots of people I know on this road. I LOVE this road! That other road is scary. I don’t know anyone there, and they do things different there. And when I imagine my dreams I am on MY road. Not THAT road!” And then Life shrugs it’s shoulders and says, “Yeah, well that is great and all, but the road is closed. You have no choice. Go use the other road.” And I angrily mutter, “Um can I at least have a map??” “Nope,” says Life, you found your way on the first road, you’ll find your way on this one too.”
Ok, so my head is a busy place and I like metaphors (or is it analogies? – I never did get that straight in school!) a lot. Some things are going on. I have no idea where life is taking me and I realize that I have quite a death grip on my dreams and how I want them to go. I have always claimed I will go where ever I am lead, but it is hard to put your money where your mouth is. And not to say that the opportunities presenting themselves are not good. They are great, amazing even. They are just not what I had planned. And that is so much harder to let go of than I had realized. Again, I will let you know more details down the line. But for now I am doing my best to enjoy this adventure. Or at least remember it so that I can enjoy it later when things are a wee more comfortable.