Stubborness

I stayed up late last night finishing a painting. Felt like old times. 😉 I was going to finish it Saturday, but painting with a 5 year old girl that wants nothing but to play with Mommy is a hard battle to fight. Besides that, playing with her is not something to pass up. She is a lot like her mommy. Stubborn – likes things her way. She tells me to pick the what we play. “House,” I say. “Nope,” she replies. “Barbie’s.” “Nope.” “Dolhouse.” “Nope.” This goes on and on. Finally I say for her to pick. “No Mommy! YOU pick. I’ll say yes if you pick veterinarian!” she finally says, very exasperated with me. Technically, I suppose, I picked. Then she tells me my line before I am supposed to say it. She tells me what to say, what to do and how to do it. Basically she is the director and I am just an actor with a part. Like I said. Stubborn. But I remember doing the same thing as a child with my sisters. I wanted things my way. After all, that is the best way, right?! All that control is so exhausting. This past weekend I have spent letting go control of my life – really giving up my ideas of exactly how things should happen and in what order. It really allows for a weight to be lifted. Then there are no failures, just different directions. Sure disappointments are there, but not with the same intensity. Like I said, I feel lighter knowing that life doesn’t have to bend to my desires. Not that it really ever has. But accepting that is so much better. As much as I would like my life to be scripted by me, I am not the director. And I am finally realizing that isn’t so bad at all.

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