a day in the life….

So you want to know what it is really like to work on your own…If you have been reading the past months posts you can see that it is a roller coaster. Last month I swear I almost got a full time job. I was looking. The pressure almost got to me. But things are finally turned around. Phew! This is not a lifestyle for “The Planner.” I am sure both my sisters (and parents) look at me most days and shake their head in disbelief (or pity?). They are all planners. They have very good full time jobs that they went to school for a long time for, or are still are going to at night, for. My older sister has a masters and my younger sister is getting hers. They both just got new, better jobs after being at the same job for some years. I have so much respect for them, they are awesome and I love and admire them. Funny thing was, growing up no one would have thought this would be the path I chose. I only got straight A’s for 12 years in school. I was at the top of my class and it was drilled into me that you go to college and get a good job. I did all those things, but half way through getting a physics degree I knew it just was not right for me. I loved what I studied, but to study it for the next 10 years? (Most physics majors were on a PhD track – or I surely was going to be) I, the good girl, dropped out. (gasp! the horror!) I am sure my parents saw me as homeless living out of a box. When I enrolled in art school I saw the look on their face that said, “This is a mistake.” To this day I only have an associate’s degree. I still get asked when I will go back to school. Who knows maybe I will, maybe not. I freelanced out of art school, well, to be perfectly honest, not because I knew that the constant hunt for work appealed to me, but because I had to. I graduated 7 months pregnant. But to me, it was a blessing in disguise. I discovered I loved finding work that I could do from home. I loved the satisfaction of doing it myself, learning as I went. (including making design mistakes that cost my client money – so scary!) But mostly it made me realize that this truly was the lfe for me. I am a really tough boss. I don’t stop thinking about my work for a minute. I love it, I really do. And some days I hate it. That is when I have called the temp agency and said, ‘Get me something, anything! I will work onsite for a while!” And they do. I have never lasted more than 4 months at a temp job. I always ended up quitting when they wanted to hire me. It would have been better benefits, most of the time better money, and that holy grail for parents, STABILITY. But it felt like someone was holding out a shackle and saying, “Here, this one is nice and tight, it is perfect for you!” No thank you. And I had one of those freak-out-gotta-get-a-job moments last month. And I am not kidding, I prayed alot! And I told God if this meant it was time for me to be full time I had would do it happily. But I really, really felt like that was not what I should do. And the freelance and paintings came in before any job offers did. PHEW! It was a close one folks. I am happily very busy again and I love it! And next week, maybe I won’t be so busy. Or maybe I will. That is the life of working at home. For me anyway. For right now. And that little voice that tells me one day my silly dog and cat paintings will provide a very nice, stable income? I like to listen to it, and will try not to drown it out with my obnoxiously loud worry voice.

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