Taking time to be grateful

This past Saturday I had a festival. It went really, really great. I got a bunch of new commissions and made more money that day that I have ever made in one day. I hardly ever get much cash in hand the day of – more often the orders come in the following weeks. It was so much fun and I really enjoyed it. But something strange happened. By the time I got home, unloaded and sat down, I was already on to the next thing. I was thinking about the design work that needed to be finished. I was thinking about the door I need to paint for a festival. I was thinking about more design work I need to get before this bunch ends. In short, I was thinking about money. And that always makes me irritible. I had not even for a moment sat in the wonderment and joy of selling my art that day. I can remember years ago wishing nothing more than for people to like my art. A wish that I thought might never come true. And now here it is HAPPENING and still I am not quite satisfied. I got so mad at myself. Ok, rather my husband did. He had to point this out to me, and that was none too pleasant. And he was right. OOOOOh. Hate that. The husband being right is bad enough, but right about my lack of pleasure in my success as an artist is really icky. So yesterday I tried very hard to live in the moment. To not be thinking about the next thing. To not be figuring out the next bill to pay with still having money for supplies for the next festival or event. To not be thinking about the next new series for my agent. Boy is that hard! It is such a fine line. Art as a business. You need it to come from your heart and soul. That is the thing that people find appealing. Yet at the same time you have to be clinical about it if you want to make money. It is, after all a business. What sells? What doesn’t? What cost too much to make, what makes a good profit? What will people pay? What won’t they? What is licensable? What needs to be one of a kind? This, friends, is what runs through my head at a billion miles an hour. But in the end, it comes down to this: If I don’t get to sit in gratitude and enjoy all this, it means nothing. Joy and passion. That is what it is all about. And it seems strange that I have to make time for that, but I do. Today I just finished up a big design project and have a day before I will get revisions back. I can take today to just be, to enjoy. I will go take some pictures in the square for some references I need for a door I am painting for a fundraiser. But I will do it slowly. I will enjoy today and the life I have created from my hopes and dreams. Maybe I will bring my kids and get an ice cream while I do it. And remeber that today I am living a wish that I wished years ago. And that my wishes and desires today will come true in time as well. And today is a very good place to be.

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