Disappointments

Sometimes life brings disappointment. Sometimes there is nothing you can do but accept that you will get let down. That no matter how hard you try, no matter how much you work, you can’t change certain things. It hurts when you can’t change these things. It hurts when you try again and you get disappointed all over again. You feel foolish at having put yourself out there just to be made a fool of again. Lately I realize that while this reaction seems to be very natural it is looking at it very one-sided. I suppose that is what we do though. For the most part we live in our own heads. I don’t know what is going on in other’s heads, just mine, so it is natural to come from my own point of view. Lately I have been trying to figure out why I get so hurt when people don’t act the way they say they will or do the things I would have done, or have done for them. Of course it hurts, but ultimately I cannot control other people. I can, however, control my own reaction. Instead of reacting with hurt or anger I am going to try to understand that ultimately it is not about me. It is not about someone intentionally trying to hurt me. It helps to think about times I have failed or disapppointed others. I have not ever before intentionaly said, ” I am going to let this person down and hurt them.” So if that is the case with me, I need to assume that is the case with others. But I still think it is important to say, “You hurt me. I know you didn’t mean it, but you hurt me.” And after that you can deal with what’s left. Hopefully forgiveness and the possibility of rebuilding. Sometimes what is left is the acknowledgement that the hurt was too much. There is a broken part that might not be able to be repaired. And that is what must be remembered when we live in our own head too much instead of thinking of how our actions affect others. We can always say we are sorry afterwards, but that does not guarantee we can fix what we broke. Because we can forgive does not always mean things can go back to the way things were or that we can offer another chance. Sometimes you can’t control the fact that your heart won’t allow it to be put out there to be hurt again.

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