If you paint it, they will come….hopefully

Sneak peek at one of my paintings. This one is three feet by four feet. And I already don’t want to sell it because it will look so cool over my couch! I added the text in photoshop and this will b the promo postcard for the event. Not sure when or where but who needs to know those pesky details???

On another note I watched Il Postino, (the Postman) last night. I had not heard Pablo Naruda’s poetry before. Oh my…it will make you swoon. I certainly intend on reading this man’s work now! The movie is subtle. So beautiful. It gets it’s message across so softly without clobbering you over the head. It made me wish that I could craft words into images like that. It is a story about a man who was foerver changed because of a chance meeting with someone whose worked touched his soul. He found his passion because of another’s. Isn’t that what life is all about? Us all touching,r, connecting, inspiring, helping each other? This man woke up from his life and began to live, really live his life because of Pablo Naruda. If you love Italy, if you love words, if you love stories of quiet inspiration, go rent this. It’s beautiful.

And on one last final note…I am deliciously iced in. Yes, my parking lot ios a sheet of ice at the bottom of a hill. I have no guilt about doing nothing outside the house today! I have hours and hours to get my design work done then possibly work on something JUST. FOR. ME. Oh, the decadence!!

Listening to my dreams

Last night I had a dream to watch a certain movie. I have been wanting to see it and did not rent it because I am pinching my pennies as much as I can. But today will be a nice long workday and I think that my dream means I can spare the few bucks and pick it up on my way home. Tonite it’s just me, a glass of wine and my movie. Sounds lovely.

Oh, and who wants to see a sneak peek of one of my new paintings? Huh, do you? Do you? Sorry, got dogs on the brain. I will take a pic of the one I finish tonite. Maybe I shouldn’s show any of them early, but they will make you smile. And ain’t that what life is all about? The times we get to smile?

Speaking of, and now I am just a’ ramblin’ away, I saw Mr. Boo yesterday. The Chinese Crested dog. I need to post my pic of him! He sure made me laugh and smile! Some mean ol’ person decided to breed the ugliest, saddest looking dog on earth. And by golly, (by golly? I am in a strange mood today!) they did! So ugly he is cute. Well, not really, he is uglier than a mud fence, but he is my newest client and his mamma is the sweetest woman so I need to be nice!

Have a beautiful Friday lovies!

Or…I could just run away to Italy…

So here it is. Real life. I email people, I contact magazines, I get proposals ready, I hang flyers, take out ads have meetings, make phone calls…then….I get apathetic. Totally lazy day yesterday. I SHOULD go paint at the studio today, I think. Make sure I am seen. But then again, my pj’s are warm, the coffee is hot and I have all the paint I need to finish the commission I brought home to finish last night. So I am lazy. I stay home and paint. I research a few licensing agents, and get overwhelmed. Start thinking, is this REALLY what I want? What do I want? What is life all about anyway. Why the f#@* is this so hard sometimes?? Yeah, yeah, I get overly philisophical until I get myself all worked up and not sure that I am even remotely on the right path in life. It get pretty bad. Must call best girl friend. Which is usually the solution unless she is in the exact same mode. And she just got off the phone with someone in the exact same mode. Uh oh. A big tri-state “what the hell are we even here for, really??” conversation. You know the ones. I realize that there is no answer, so I don’t keep asking. I resign myself that today is not going to be a highlight kinda day. I pick my kids up from school and play make believe fairies with Sophie outside for over an hour. (we go hunting for treasures and build a little house for fairies, it is so much fun) I live in those moments. They are good. I went to bed kinda just there, but realizing those days are ok to have even if they are SO unsatisfying. Today is so/so. I am meeting a woman at 1pm that has a Chinese Crested dog. It is guaranteed to make me smile and love what I do again. Until then I am finishing the detials on the commission from yesterday and finishing small design jobs. But I just checked my email. Travelocity gave me a fare checker saying I could fly to Florence for $233. HELLO. Is that CRAZY or what?! I could just forget this whole silly pet painting business, take what’s in my checking account and run off to Italy. Ya think?

Operation Security: The Making of a Superstar!

Ok, ok, that is a bit tongue in cheek. But it seems oh, so appropriate with all the reality shows going on! But due to new life circumstances, I need a bit more security than “Oooh, I hope this month is a good month for freelance and commissions!” That is great and it has been working, but I need, um, for lack of a better word, MORE. So today begins my new plan for my future. I need to know that college funds will be there one day, money for emergencies, heck, just the elusive SAVINGS account. Huh, what’s that?? So today I begin doing all the things that are in my head. Some I haven’t done out of fear, some out of procrastination, some out of that thing we are not really sure of why we don’t just get off out butt and do. So I am not watching tv at night anymore. Not even if I can paint and watch my beloved Law and Order. (I a have an addiction, I admit it. Any 12 step programs to help me with that??) No, tv is a a time sucker, even if I do tell myself how Donald Trump is giving me great business tips. I need to be doing, not dreaming; Moving, not list making. Lists about what I want to do are great, but useless if I don’t actually DO them.

So here is where I will document what I do. And I will let you in on the triumphs and misses. Not failures people, there is NO SUCH THING. Just things that work, things that don’t and things that should be tried again and again until they do. Some of the things I need to do are submit my book proposal to the publisher I have had picked out since September, find a new licensing agent (my last one released me from my contract while encouraging me to find one that had clients better suited to my style – ouch.), I have a company in NYC interested in selling original art and posters and I need to get them some samples, I have a show to finish the paintings for and promote by contacting a rescue group. Some of these things will bring success, some will not work out, some will need to be fine tuned and tried again. It isn’t so much to do if I just begin. Oh and not watch tv. But I will share with you what works and what doesn’t. And maybe along the way I may find some of that security thing. I will keep you posted.

Thank you Maya, we all need to hear it sometimes.

“Phenomenal Woman”

Pretty women wonder where my secret lies.

I’m not cute or built to suit a fashion model’s size

But when I start to tell them,

They think I’m telling lies.

I say,

It’s in the reach of my arms

The span of my hips,

The stride of my step,

The curl of my lips.

I’m a woman

Phenomenally.

Phenomenal woman,

That’s me.

I walk into a room

Just as cool as you please,

And to a man,

The fellows stand or

Fall down on their knees.

Then they swarm around me,

A hive of honey bees.

I say,

It’s the fire in my eyes,

And the flash of my teeth,

The swing in my waist,

And the joy in my feet.

I’m a woman

Phenomenally.

Phenomenal woman,

That’s me.

Men themselves have wondered

What they see in me.

They try so much

But they can’t touch

My inner mystery.

When I try to show them

They say they still can’t see.

I say,

It’s in the arch of my back,

The sun of my smile,

The ride of my breasts,

The grace of my style.

I’m a woman

Phenomenally.

Phenomenal woman,

That’s me.

Now you understand

Just why my head’s not bowed.

I don’t shout or jump about

Or have to talk real loud.

When you see me passing

It ought to make you proud.

I say,

It’s in the click of my heels,

The bend of my hair,

the palm of my hand,

The need of my care,

‘Cause I’m a woman

Phenomenally.

Phenomenal woman,

That’s me.

~Maya Angelou

The bright side of life

These are strange days for me. Lots of personal ups and downs going on that I won’t get into here, but my life has changed fairly drastically in the past few months. I am doing what I need to do. It is hard and painful, challenging and also freeing. Up one day, down the next. But enough of that. Let’s talk about the good, wonderful things going on.

I got to meet the oh so lovely Tammy last week! She is one of those people who you immeadiately like from the moment you see them. We had lunch and I swear we just could have talked and talked and talked! This is one cool chick and lemme tell ya, I could not be happier that she is actually driving distance away!! Woohoo!! We are going to get together and rock the house with html code. Are we cool or what? I can haardly wait, look for updates about THAT meeting. I mean sure, html is so totally cool, but throw in a margarita or two and that, my friends, is a party!

And another as not to be named yet friend of mine has had a life dream come true. I won’t write about it here as it just happened and this news is hers to tell, but let me tell you I am on cloud nine for her. Amazing, amazing things going on and I cannot wait until the world knows how talented this woman is. I feel so privieged to be able to call her my friend. She is a constant source of inspiration for me. Congrats lovely lady!

In other news I began the first in a series of paintings for a show I will have in late Feb or early March. I don’t want to give anything away, but it is so much fun painting these particular paintings. I am pretty excited about them! The gallery is doing well and I am painting regularly. i still wish I could be there more, but this is what i can do right now. I am hoping, or have made it my goal that by June of this year I won’t have to take freelance work or hopefully part time work. I am about ready to move this whole endeavor to the next level. i just need to focus on what that looks like and what needs to be done to do it. What I don’t want to do is try too many things then fail at all of them because it was just not realistic. One thing at a time and then I can see what will work and what might not. Success is about not giving up when something does not work. Someone once told me that it seemed like no matter what I tried I succeeded at. To which I think whatever I was drinking shot out my nose! Yeah right! I cannot tell you how many things DID NOT work. How many times i crumpled up in a heap and declared i was “Done! Do you hear me world! Done! This making money from art thing sucks!!” The only difference is that after the pouty temper tantrum i picked myself back up, got a new goal, thought up a new idea, or just tried the old one again. It is about persistence, determination, and the ability to not act scared when you know inside you are actual scared sh*tless. It works. really. Don’t quit, a good cry or tantrum might be all you need. Then get back up and try it again. And again. And again. Oh, and this works for most things in life, not just your artistic dreams.

Ok, not sure where all THAT came from, but ok then. Back to work!

What I’ve learned in 2004

When I decide to let go and go where life wants to take me I get to enjoy the scenery much more.

The Universe has a pretty good idea of what is best for me and when it takes me off in a different direction should trust it’s instincts. (it’s been around a lot longer than me.)

My kids are by far the most precious people in my life. I am so thankful God has entrusted me to care for two such amazing beings. They inspire me daily.

That by believing in my dream and working hard I can do what I want to do.

That by taking precautions and having back up plans, I can do what I want to do.

That this life is so much more about the journey and the lovely people we get to meet along the way.

That even the people we may not care for very much still have just as much to teach us.

That I can drive a stick shift 10 hours to a city I don’t know and meet amazing new people and connect with old ones.

That life is as full of the life we allow to fill it.

That risk taking is SO VERY WORTH it.

That the best way to show your children how to live life is to DO IT YOURSELF. Example is everything to children.

That sometimes you can fix what is broken, and sometimes you can’t. No matter how many times you try. That is just the way it is.

That sometimes you have to hurt people in order to stop being hurt yourself.

That sometimes the right things to do is not the popular thing to do, but it still doesn’t make it wrong.

That trusting and valuing myself feels really, really good.

That having good friends and being a good friend is one of the most important things in this world.

That the hard, hurtful times help form and mold you just as much as the phenomenal, dreams-coming-true times.

I could go on and on I suppose. As we all could. but this has been a year of growth for me in so many different ways. I look forward to what 2005 has in store and intend on enjoying it and being present for all the different moments it has in store for me.