this whole adult thing sucks sometimes

I would classify myself as an eternal optimist. I see the bright side of things even when I don’t want to. I can even annoy myself when I feel like just wallowing in swlf pity. But right now it is 4:30am, and I am slightly overwhelmed at how much the last six months of my life has been so hard. I am so over it. I am tired of being strong, tired of going it alone, tired of no help (I feel this most when bringing groceries or a huge bag of dog food up the riduculous amount of stairs to my apartment) and tired of having to be a mature, responsible adult. I want to cry out that life is not fair and that for once,just once could maybe I catch a break. I already hate how whiney this entry is sounding, and I wish I were all, “but life is hard sometimes and you have to make lemonade out of lemons, yada, yada, yada…” But I am not. Life is hard, I have lost alot in the past six months and I am tired, and cranky and want something, SOMETHING to be easy soon. Is that really too much to ask? Just one bright spot that doesn’t have to be worked at, gotten through, just is lovely, and easy and makes smile. I am sure I will regret this entry tomorrow morning, hating how I sound defeated in it. But right now I feel defeated and alone in all this mess. Life is too damn hard sometimes. And for someone who almost dares life to make me feel down, that is saying something. Bah.

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