Trusting

Things have been going. I had taken the past few days to get the painting done. Everything seems to be a priority. Nothing seems less important than the other. It all is important. This morning things seems on track. And they are. But there are moments. Moments that seem to be an inititation of sorts. I talk to other small business owners and they laugh and commiserate with me. This morning I felt together. I felt strong despite a lot of emotional turmoil from the past few days. I got a call from the building inspector. My papers were ready. Great! I take that over to the business license place and another thing to check off. Easy peasy. No. After 2 hours of waiting I get in and he tells me things I have to fix or prove and take care of. Like my security system, my fire alarm system, my exit signs, some lit, some not, a diagram of parking, what I will do about parking if I have an event, and that I might need to get an electrical contractor out there to check things. Sigh…. So I review what I need to do before I come back to him. Somethings HAVE to be done, some don’t, they are suggestions. Which are which? Not very clear on that either. From what I can tell a diagram of smoke detectors, exit signs and a diagram of all the security system strobes should be it, then they will issue me the certificate of occupency and fire code certificate. Then I can get my business license. So I need money for all this, right? Right. And I should use my new business account right? Right. And I did what I was supposed to do and filed my corporation papers weeks ago. Papers the bank needs to have for a business account. Online it shows up all legit. Great. But they have not mailed me my paperwork yet. And so I can’t deposit the check made out to the gallery which gives me money. Oh, and they are going to hold my funds for 5 days once I do deposit it. Nice they already told me that, right? At least I am prepared. But it is money I need to call the security sytem company and get everything set up. Which I need to show to the building inspector to get my C.O. Which I need to get the fired code done, which I need to get the business license…do you get the picture? Yeah, fun. So I had my momentary break down and for a split second was ready to go put my application at Target in. But then I remember that none of what I am going through is out of the ordinary. It is all necessary. And most of it is not within my control. And, most importantly I am choosing to do all of this. I am creating the life I want moment by moment. And it is not easy, but then should it be? Aren’t things we really truly want hard work? I need to trust that this is what I am meant to be doing. And when I get to the point that everything is close to how I want it, there will be a moment. Such a moment of satisfaction and pride. I guess because I can see it all so clearly it is frustrating to not be able to make it happen as quickly as I would like. I just realized today that I began this all Jan 6th. That was the day I called my now landlord. Barely a month ago I put all this in motion. I guess what I need to do is have some patience. I am one person. I am doing a pretty good job and it is hard work. And if I could just slow down and trust that this is all happening as it should because I KNOW I am meant to be doing this, it will all be ok. So now I really have to slow down and do a portrait for a commission for Valentine’s day. The great thing about what I do, no matter what, you have to take time and allow the paint to dry. Off to do what I love most in the world. Paint.

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