That is what I keep saying to myself today. (from the Colin Hay song – love him!) The past few weeks have been really hard. My kids are gone visiting grandparents in Texas for 3 weeks. I know they are having a great time, but I miss them so much. That, plus summer is always a slow time for me it seems. Or at least it is now. I seem to be very caught up in what is not working lately. The Rufus and Lucy project is going well, people writing in asking to participate. That is so wonderful. And I have sold two of the mini paintings. That thrills me. Todd Parr ( http://www.toddparr.com ) wrote me and told me he loved my site and to keep on going and never give up. That was amazing.
Lately I have to admit, I have felt like giving up. I feel often like I am working towards soemthing unattainable. I feel like I struggle and struggle and I never seem to see the fruits of my labor. People, this is hard. It is hard to have a passion, to know what you want and to see it so clearly and to feel like some cosmic force is saying, “Uh, yeah, no.” No, not now? No, not at all? Am I just on the verge making it happen? The other day I was ready to ditch it all. Forget it. I am done. “This is too hard. there is no payoff! I am killing myself for nothing!” I have cried this, I have yelled this so many times to so many friends. I have cried more times in the past two weeks than in maybe the last two years. I am not someone used to being depressed. I have lost freelance jobs for no reason, I have had things fall through over and over. Not for anything wrong I did, just because sometimes it happens. People not returning my phone calls about ideas I want to run by them. I keep asking, what am I doing wrong. I know the answer is nothing. But this is where the importance of friends comes in. This is where I do, indeed, believe it is a beautiful world.
Because for how many times I have called up crying, or called up angry or just been down right pitiful the past few weeks, my friends have been there for me. Taking me out for dinner or lunch. (yeah, money is that tight) Buying my dogs dogfood (not even kidding) or just ask listening. And telling me over and over not to quit. To hang in there. That they believe in me. That they know it will happen. Lately that is what I hang on to. If so many people believe in me and feel my passion even in this time that I don’t quite feel it anymore, maybe it is worth hanging in there. Without my amazing, beautiful friends I truly can say I would be so much less than I am. Thank you to every beautiful, single one of you that are helping me through this. I love you all.