For my next self absorbed post…

I still think that is a given. I mean, a blog? A personal one? Isn’t it by definition self absorbed? Are you reading San Diego? Heh. And you can’t even stop yourself. Still. Must. Read… Oh, close your browser, you know you want to. But it’s like slowing down on the interstate. You don’t want to be one more of the people that caused the traffic to back up for miles all because some guy who ran out of gas and is sitting on the hood of his car waiting for his wife who is so going to kill him because he never ever fills up his tank like she tells him to but he likes to play this gas roulette game and this time he lost and dude, he isn’t gettin any tonite and he is waving at traffic and you are SO MAD AT YOURSELF that you slowed to look and you became part of the problem you swore you wouldn’t be? Yeah, kinda like that. So keep reading. You can’t not. Heh. The power of the blog… Ok, human nature, but whatever. I’ll take undue credit…

So I was sitting outside on my balcony drinking my coffee (not wine – geez it’s 9am I don’t start the wine until at least 12pm, I do have SOME self control!) while my kids are asleep inside. They had some friends sleep over (Imagine that! Other parents TRUSTING me with their kids!! Crazy! If they only knew what kind of a drunken psycho self absorbed bloggin nut job I was!) so the night went late filled with games and teeny bopper movies. Ok, side note (like I haven’t gone off on ten tangets already?) I LOVE those teenage angst movies. This one I was watching with Amanda Bynes? She pretends to be a boy to make the soccer team at her brother’s high school because her team got cut and she wants to prove that she is good enough and in the process falls in the love with the oh so hunky soccer star on her team. But you can imagine the wacky hijinks that ensue with her pretending she is a guy and all. I make fun, but I have watched it like 10 times. The sound track rocks and well, hunky high school soccer guy? Yeah, there is no way he is less than 22 in real life. So nothing illegal there about me fantasiz… er, I mean watching him, right? Heh. Off you go, San Diego. “Oh my gosh! She is letting them watch movies about transgendered kids!! Oh my! She wants to date a minor!!” Want the number of a child protective services? I am sure they will take my kids from me straight away! Are you still reading? Didn’t you promise yourself you wouldn’t read this anymore? Shoo! Off with you! Go report all my short comings to my ex…

Ok, back to what I was saying. What was I saying? Oh yes. Coffee time. I was sitting thinking about that hunky soccer… no, wait – no I wasn’t. I was sitting looking at all the leaves around me. Millions of them. Billions maybe. Willow leaves, oak leaves, pine needles. It gets overwhelming. And I was thinking about how we are like those leaves. (ok, bear with me, it was a morning coffee moment – the best part about waking up, is Folger’s in your…c’mon you know you wanna sing it…) I don’t know if you all think like this, but I do. I thought, “How in the world do we ever stand out?” We are one in millions and billions. How is it we matter at all. How do we make a difference?” The leaves overwhelm me, the blades of grass make me feel insignificant. Then I started to calm down and relax. And I started to sketch the leaves. One at a time. Very slowly. And it calmed me. And the word ‘simplicity’ kept coming to me. And I don’t know what that all means. But I thought about the things that touch me most in this world. And they are simple things. A line drawing that I did of the pool chair where the thick and thins just makes me happy. The phrase “Life is good.” by that company that I love. I still remember looking at this line my life drawing teacher drew on my paper in art school. It was the top of a shoulder. To this day I remember that line. I was overwhelmed with it. Can you believe I am writing about a line? But those are the things that matter to me. Simple, simple things. Yesterday laying at the pool with my eyes closed and listening to my kids scream and laugh in the pool. Noah and Sophie pretending to be on a space ship (raft) and hearing them play mission control. Oh my gosh if I could have bottled that moment up. So I guess I am getting a message of simplicity. And that my timing is out the window. Cause whatever is meant to happen with my life will happen. And I like the idea of simplicity. And stopping and sketching the leaves makes me see them one at a time. And I don’t feel so overwhelmed by the billions of them. And I can handle that. I don’t need to make a difference to millions. I just need to make a difference to the ones I am around. My kids, my family, my friends. I love them all so, so much. And loving them and showing them how much they matter to me is what is most important to me right now.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s