Have you ever suddenly realized that you have been looking at your life wrong? Like you got into some bad zone for a while and didn’t even realize it? I think that is what happened with me lately. I am not really sure what happened, nothing in particular triggered it, but I realized I was focusing so much on my goals and what I am striving for, that all I was seeing was what ‘to do’ list didn’t get done that day, what submission did not get sent that week, what rejection i received that day, how many more commissions I needed this month… I forgot to congratulate myself on all the items i DID cross of my list that day, to really appreciate that I finished my first published book in my life which included over 40 paintings and all the text, to realize that every rejection i get is encouraging and always wishes me luck in my future, that I have lots and lots of submissions out there for so many different things and I can just let it be for a while, that I need to appreciate the commission I just got last night that was an extra large one and for a baby’s room and I adore those the most, that I have a job that is flexible and means I am writing this entry from a hotel room while I work so that I could go with my boyfriend on a business trip to Myrtle Beach. And all of that? that rocks. And I need to be more gentle with myself. My boyfriend says that he thinks I am harder on myself than anyone he knows. It is true, i have really hard standards for myself. But ya know what? i wouldn’t treat anyone in this world like I treat myself in my head. And that is wrong. It can make me miserable. I am constantly worried I am going to fail someone, yet the reality is the only one I am failing is me, in my head.
So from today on I am looking at my life differently. I am concentrating on all I have already accomplished. i am going to pat myself on the back more and be kinder to myself. And not feel guilty if I want to just sit and DO NOTHING for a night instead of work. My life is so good and I truly have nothing to complain about. I mean, nothing! And that is something to be celebrated! If I can stop being so hard on myself and looking at all the things I have left to do and instead focus on all the wonderful things I have already done, I will be smiling a lot more and worried a lot less. And for pete’s sake, I can’t remember the last time I wasn’t worried. I guess that is what happened. I made worrying a habit. And now that i don’t need to, i am not sure how to stop. Well that is not true. I am stopping now. Life is good and beautiful and I am not wasting anymore energy or focus on negatives. Back to my rose colored glasses. I took them off at some point and they got all dusty. Time to put them back on and see the world all shiny and happy again. Cause that is what my art is all about. Besides you can’t paint smiley goofy dogs with worry lines, that’s just silly!