I’m done y’all. Done with submissions, done with rejections, done with letting this ‘invisible force’ in the publishing/licensing industry decide I am not good enough. I have touched on it here and there in various blogs, but I don’t think I have let you know the depths of the pain and anguish I have had. I was constantly putting myself out there to be rejected. Either directly with an email or letter or the worst, no response at all. can you imagine putting your heart and soul out there and someone at a desk somewhere deciding you aren’t even worth responding to? I try to understand busy schedules, I try to understand that you simply cannot respond to all of us, but it doesn’t matter when it is you. It hurts. my god how it hurts. A few dozen people around the united States have decided I am not good enough, not compelling enough, not original enough. And I let those few people negate 5 years of people that BUY my art, LOVE my art, take PLEASURE in my art. I lost my joy for what makes me happiest. Creating silly characters from people’s pets and my imagination because “they” didn’t think it was good enough. How ridiculous is that? Last night I decided to give it all up. Yup. Just walk away, take down my site, my blog everything and start to work full time at my pt job. Concentrate on the rest of life. I prayed last night the most-heartfelt prayer I could for God to take my desire to create away. It was just too painful and it was consuming me. I hated it. I was bitter, angry and jealous of anyone who had what I thought I wanted. I would walk into Target and see a line of cards that I knew i could do better, or designs on tee-shirts that were similar to mine, or walk into a bookstore and see a children’s book that I know mine was just as good as. I found myself making bitter comments on lots of people’s successes. And people? This is not me. I am HAPPY for others, I take joy from other’s successes, I am inspired by others.Or at least I used to be.
See, ever since the rejections started, I have not been happy. I have been downright miserable. So today when I was pumping gas on my way to work, well, I was parked, I can’t actually pump gas WHILE I drive, it hit me. Not the gas pump, a thought. That I AM A COMPLETE MORON. I know, according to The Secret I am not supposed to say such things. But really, what other word is there for someone who wants to quit doing their art, when people are BUYING it because executives somewhere aren’t interested and think no one will buy it. Um, see the irony here? So my decision is not to quit my art, but to quit commercialism. I am not going all crunchy anti-industry on you, no worries, but I am giving them up. I am no longer seeking approval of some industry that won’t listen to me when I say that people ALREADY buy my art. i am going to pay attention to my clients, my lovely, lovely clients that love my art, buy my art and don’t reject me all the time. Seems like common sense, yes? Well when you get into your head a certain idea, it is hard to shake. So I ma letting go of all of that. I will be doing a festival this coming weekend at the Candler Park Fall Fest and getting commissions for pet portraits and sell my prints and cards and the most adorable mini puppy pillows you ever did see. I am also going to add a punch of prints to my etsy and make them really good prices with good 2 for one deals. Because in the end it is about selling my art to people that want my art. And I am tired of volunteering myself to be judged and rejected for my work that I know people already like.
So if you are out there and you are deciding to go into licensing, publishing, manufacturing, good luck and have THICK SKIN. Cause it kicked this rose-colored-glass wearing girl’s ass. Knocked those glasses right off my face onto the dirt. And that was rude. So “Ima not gonna play with them anymore.” she said poutily with her bottom lip out. “Ima gonna back to having fun with the nice kids that like me.” And have fun again.