Ok, so there’s many adjectives people can use, and have used to describe me. Tall, curvy, rubenesque, voluptuous, large and “big girl.” As in the following story which was my incentive for me finally losing the last 15 lbs of baby weight when my daughter was two: I was rushing through a grocery store in a hurry to get some baby tylenol for one of the two children and was in quite a rush. As I was scanning the aisle looking for the cheapest, yet most effective medicine, I heard an older man chuckling behind me. “Heh. Heh. Heh.” I ignored him. As I kept looking, he kept laughing. “Heh, Heh, Heh.” It was a slow, amused laugh, obviously directed at me. Finally I turned to him and smiled. And this is the gem he bestowed upon me: “Ya know, I was watching you speed into the store and walk up and down these aisles all quick like, and I just kept watching you, up and down, and up and down and I can’t help but think,’You sho does move fast for a big girl!’ Heh. Heh. Heh.” And off he puttered away just amused as all get out at the BIG GIRL that could move so fast. Yeah, I started running the next day.
I have never been described as svlete, thin, willowy or skinny. Oh no. I was robust since the day I was born. I was always the tallest girl in the photo, the biggest girl in the group. I wore Sears Girls HUSKY jeans. Getting the picture? But I was a tough kid, while clutzy, I was strong. I could hit a homer out of the park, throw a ball farther than anyone. I was the one the coaches wanted to be the catcher, I was the one the track coach came to look for to beg me to try shot put. Yeah, the shot putter. That will turn the guys on. It took me a while to become comfortable with this body. It is not just large, it is extra large. And it did not help matters in middle school that my best friend was a size 2 and she liked for us to dress up in the same clothes. Yeah, pin striped overalls is not a good look for me. And when we both fell for the same first crush? Guess who he walked up to at the 7th grade dance and asked? Yes, Brendan Schubel, I will never, ever hear Madonna’s ‘Crazy for You’ and not weep a little inside.
But I grew into my full height of 5’9 the summer before 9th grade. My body’s curves came out and let’s just say that was when I realized that there are men that prefer their women to have curves. I never had a hard time attracting the boys after 9th grade, I actually had my stipulations. They had to be at least my height and at least sort of look like I would not crush them. But still, I longed to be a size 8 and I had a goal of weighing 135. Which makes me almost snort coffee out my nose just typing that. But I won’t forget the summer before college. I was 17 and determined to weigh 135 by the time I began college in the fall. I was running 5 miles a day and eating roughly the equivalent of an apple and a piece of bread. The morning that I got on the scale and it read 139 lbs, I smiled weakly at the numbers and promptly blacked out. I realized in that moment I like food far too much. As well as ya know, being ALIVE. So I think I went and ate a hamburger and 10 lbs came on all at once. I suppose one day I can be a size 8, but most likely it will be roughly six months after I am dead.
So I embraced being a ‘big girl.’ I am the girl that can carry the couch, the chair, the anything right there with any man. I am strong and I have endurance. I may not be the fastest, but I bet I can hold out longer than most on lots of things. And let’s face it, if there is a food shortage, all you lil’ petite girls are going down first. I can live off the fat of the land a while.
And I will say this, my body likes to be bigger. I need to watch myself all the time. If I don’t pay attention, I can put on 10 lbs in a week. I am not kidding. I think I was meant to be on a farm popping out kid after kid and working the land. I have what you call, good birthing hips. So I eat carefully, exercise more when I splurge and check the scale a lot. And when I met Best Boyfriend Ever, we were both runners and into eating well. But. Then. We did that thing. You know the one. Where snuggling on the couch at night with a pizza and a bottle of vino sounds way better than sweating and eating a nice salad with lemon water. Yeah, you know what I’m talking about. So for the past 6 months, my jeans have gotten tighter. And I don’t like it at all. I have gained 10 – 15 lbs and well, that is not fun for me. So when they decided at my pt job that we were doing the Biggest Loser Challenge, well, I knew it was time. See besides being, large, rubenesque, curvy and big, I am also COMPETITIVE. The challenge ends Dec 17th and there is $275 in the pot. But quite honestly, if I lose 20 lbs, I will GIVE someone $200. Also, I turn 35 on Dec 13th, so being back to my goal weight and fitting into my smaller dresses for Christmas parties in my closet is added incentive.
In the last three weeks we have been doing it, I have lost 6 lbs so far. Weigh in is today at 12pm. I will update you later if I lost any more. I don’t want to be itty bitty, i just want to fit into what is already in my closet.
Here, guess which woman in this picture from the other night is ME. I bet it only takes you one guess. (and I am slouching! Could I BE between two tinier women!!)