Hormones and Oddities

I have been a bit under the weather lately. I would get more into it, but let’s just say that I will no longer taking a little daily pill that stops me from making babies. Apparently after about 5 months on a new kind, it had the cumulative effect of causing me to want to jump out of moving vehicles and to stay in bed for as long as possible and in general not care about anything or anyone and contemplate what the point of bothering to get out of bed at all was. I was having crazy anxiety attacks, panic attacks and severe depression. But luckily we figured it out and I can happily report that I do indeed care about life again, and am back to painting and design work with a refreshed energy and love for what I do. Yay no hormones.

So for something less serious I want to answer Jill’s request for 7 Odd or Weird things about me. I am odd and weird anyway and most people know this, but here are some little known odd and weird facts.

1. I have an unusually large space between my big toe and the next toe. Like, crazy big, a whole nother toe could go in there big. But in the summer I wear flip flops and it masks the effect. But because of this I have a hard time keeping them on my feet so I have to scrunch my toes hard when I walk or else they will fly off. Despite all the extra effort, flip flops are my favorite footwear in the world. It is the only time I color coordinate an outfit. Cause flip flops are cheap. (I would rather be barefoot than anything else and don’t care how odd my feet look)

2. I adore coffee. i LOVE coffee. I would marry coffee if it was legal. I like it as a latte, a mocha, a shot of espresso, just with milk. I get happy in the morning when I wake up and smile in bed when I think about my first sip of the morning. I love, it love, it love it. I HATE coffee flavored ice cream however. Weird.

3. I love pickles. So much that I also love pickle brine. I will drink it from the jar when the pickles are done. The only time this was acceptable was when I was pregnant. I pretended it was the first time I had ever drank it. It was a big fat lie. I still do it.

4. I leave cabinet doors open wherever I go. I simply open them and walk away. After I leave a kitchen it looks like a poltergeist happened. I also can’t seem to fasten a lid or jar back on after I have used it. It has caused some kitchen mishaps that don’t always end like on tv with a laugh track.

5. While I have a problem closing things, I seem to have an affinity for locking my keys in my car. I have done it three times in the last three months at work. Once with the car running. Because I decided to spray varnish a painting after I started the car so that it would dry on the way home. That makes sense right? Start the car up to go home and decide right then and there you should varnish a painting. That is how my mind works ALL THE TIME. So there I am with painting of a dog, a can of spray varnish outside my design job in the parking lot surrounded by security guards trying to open my car while it is running.

6. When I was 9 years old I saved my money all summer long for a ventriloquist dummy. I did extra chores, cut the lawn did anything and everything for this dummy. I practiced religiously everyday until I got it. I thought I was going to be a famous child star. I mean I REALLY believed it. The whole summer I day dreamed about being on the Tonite Show and being a star. I was obsessed with doing this and being the best in the world. After I got my dummy I gave shows to family and neighbors and after about a week decided it was not the career choice for me and never picked up the dummy again. it was later sold in a garage sale.

7. When I was young, not sure the exact age, but pretty young, I used to listen to the radio at night with an ear piece when I was supposed to be asleep. One fateful Sunday night I stumbled upon The Dr. Ruth Westheimer Show. I listen for weeks and weeks and weeks getting quite the sexual education. But there was a word that kept being used over and over and over again that I could not figure out the meaning to by context. Finally I decided I needed to know. I went to my dad and asked him what the word meant. He got really, really red and I knew I had asked a question I did not want the answer to. Not from my dad anyway. He said, “I think you might have that word confused with another, Michelle. One of them has to do with sex and one of them has to do with science. Which do you think you mean?” I spent the next 45 minutes listening to my dad’s explanation of what an organism was.

And so it begins.

This was the exchange a few nights ago between me and my precious son of 11, apparently the age that BOYS occasionally slip into MEN mode.

Me: Squish over Dude. (I say this every night, always call him Dude, have since he was 15 months and he has not made me stop. Yet. I lay with him before he goes to bed each night and talk for a few minutes, then kiss him goodnight and go downstairs.)

Dude: Ok, Mommy. (He calls me Mommy, Sophie calls me Mama. I love that more than I can say.)

Me: How was your day?

Dude: Good. Ya know, did school stuff hung out with my friends.

Me: You seem to have a lot of friends this year.

Dude. Yeah. (one word answers are a norm.)

Me: Like a lot of friends. You mention lots of different names.

Dude: Yeah.

Me: What are some of your friends’ names? (Don’t ask, I am just trying to keep the one word replies coming from Mr. Talkative.)

Dude: Oh, I don’t know…. Then he begins to list lots of names. Most of which are American Indian, Middle Eastern Indian, African American sounding. (We live in a very international section of Atlanta.)

Me: Wow. That is really cool. Ya know I grew up in like the whitest, white section up North next door to Whitey McWhite White. We had one African American kid in our school. It was a big deal too. I love that you don’t even notice skin color. It makes me happy.

Dude: …….

Me: (He must want me to keep talking, cause I am talking very passionately ya know, I truly am excited by this.) Ya know one, day, not now, I’m not saying NOW, but ONE DAY you might have a girlfriend. And you probably won’t even notice if she is white or black or Indian or anything. And I just think that is really, really cool. I just love that. I really do. Ya know? Ya know what I mean? Dude?

Dude: …..

Me: Dude?

Dude: “…Huh? What? I went to sleep when you started talking about your feeeeeeelings.”

Me: YOU. ARE. SUCH. A BOY. Goodnight!

Dude: AHAHAHAHAHA. I hear him laughing all the way down the stairs. Then, I love you Mommy, even if you do talk about feelings way too much!

And there you have it. Boys to Men. Just. Like. That.

The Charles Schultz Philosophy…

The following is the philosophy of Charles Schultz, the creator of the “Peanuts” comic strip.

1. Name the five wealthiest people in the world

2. Name the last five Heisman trophy winners.
3. Name t he last five winners of the Miss America pageant.

4. Name ten people who have won the Nobel or Pulitzer Prize.

5. Name the last half dozen Academy Award winners for best actor and actress.

6. Name the last decade’s worth of World Series winners.

How did you do?

The point is, none of us remember the headliners of yesterday.

These are no second-rate achievers.

They are the best in their fields.

But the applause dies.

Awards tarnish.

Achievements are forgotten.

Accolades and certificates are buried with their owners.

Here’s another quiz. See how you do on this one:

1. List a few teachers who aided your journey through school.

2. Name three friends who have helped you through a difficult time.

3. Name five people who have taught you something worthwhile.

4. Think of a few people who have made you feel appreciated and special.

5. Think of five people you enjoy spending time with.


The lesson:

The people who make a difference in your life are not the ones with the most credentials…

the most money…

or the most awards.

They are simply the ones that care the most.

“Don’t worry about the world coming to an end today. It’s already tomorrow in Australia .”

(Charles Schultz)