Celebrating "Close Enough"

So this post can go either way. I can rant on about how this December wasn’t what I wanted it to be or I can try the unthinkable and focus on the positive. Why, oh why is it SO much easier to think about how we screwed up, what we should have done, should have gotten done, all the ways we didn’t come through for ourselves, our friends, our family? I didn’t put up lights outside like I promised myself I would, I didn’t buy that wreath for the door, I didn’t buy new ornaments. I didn’t finish painting the mailbox and replace the plain old black one – this is a mailbox I have been working on for 3 years – I kid you not. (It has Rufus on one side and Lucy on the other and it is A. Dorable.) I didn’t get Christmas cards out, much less design one to send out. Hell, I don’t even know the addresses of the people I would send them to. And these are people I love and cherish. Hope the police never call up asking, “What is your older sister’s address??? Her life DEPENDS ON YOU KNOWING!” She. Would. Be. Screwed.

I did however, put up the tree with the kids the first week of December and hang stockings on the mantle. Um, they are all for the dogs and the fish. None for the people. Is that weird? Don’t answer that. I haven’t even shopped for one single Christmas present. Not one. I have yet to have that cup of eggnog in front of the fire cozied up to Best Boyfriend Ever. I have however, had multiple glasses of wine surrounded by eleventy billion bottles of paint and 12 canvases in varying degrees of painting dryness in front of me, the fireplace, and Best Boyfriend Ever while I painted into the wee hours of the night. Does that count? I have not gone to some decorated Christmas Village with my kids and boyfriend and oohed and ahhed at all the lights while we sipped hot cocoa and took a ride in a horse drawn carriage listening to Bing Crosby croon. I have however, stolen three hours this past Saturday and watched Alvin and the Chipmunks Christmas with my daughter while my son ever so grateful, got to go spend three hours at a mall arcade with his best friend and his Dad on leave from Irag. After he movie though we had chocolate milk and coffee at Waffle House. Does that count? The Waffle House had Christmas decorations up. I didn’t hang out with my kids nearly as much as I wanted this past week, and Noah told me that maybe next Christmas I should think about not taking so many commissions because I work too much, but I did take many breaks this weekend to watch him play Legend of Zelda and some Super Mario Hoozeewhatiz game. And man, if they gave scholarships for Wii, I would so not be worried about college! I haven’t hung out with my friends this month like I wanted to, but I have been trying to at least email and keep in touch. It’s better than nothing and I do love them. And I am tired of getting all those, “Hey! Are you alive???” texts and emails. I didn’t win the Biggest Loser Challenge (the final weigh in is today) but I did lose 10 lbs. And that rocks. I can wear jeans I haven’t been able to wear since June. I didn’t finish all my paintings this weekend like I wanted to, but I finished 8 and got them into the mail this morning. I only have 2 left and they are local delivery. And once I get paid on all of them I will have Christmas money for presents. And dammit, if I have to shop on Saturday and Sunday before Christmas, so be it. I only have two commissions left, but yesterday I got two emails for two more. And as much as I swore up one side and down the other that the past two weeks have almost killed me, and that I absolutely, positively would not take any last minute orders, I probably will. Because sure the last bit of extra money is nice, but more so I adore the thought of people opening up my paintings on Christmas Day. For five years now all throughout Christmas day I imagine all the reactions all day long. And the emails the weeks that follow from people saying how much they loved their pet’s portrait coming into my inbox just thrills me. I am glad I haven’t lost that feeling yet.

So even though I haven’t done about a million things on my ‘To do in December’ list, there is a lot I have done. And I should be proud of me. So even though I would find it so much easier to say what a loser I am and drink a bunch of spiked eggnog until my nose is just like Rudolph’s then get fresh with Best Boyfriend Ever, I will feel pretty good about all I got done this month and drink a bunch of spiked eggnog until my nose is like Rudolph’s and then get fresh with Best Boyfriend Ever. Cause tis the season, fa la la la la and all that. heh.

So I leave you with a few images of my Christmas corner, not the whole house. And here is to celebrating all we wanted to do, all we tried to do, and being happy with all we managed to actually get done. Cause that? That is close enough.

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