Be a bad mom like me – and lose weight!

So I am entering the third week of icky sickness here at the abode. I know we are all going through it being flu season and all, so I won’t harp on the details. I will be thrilled that I made it through it all without ME puking or coughing or being snotty or anything. Yes, I am lucky. And I am SO LUCKY that tomorrow I GET to go back to the office. I can hardly believe I am saying that, but the cubicle is calling my name. The sweet, sweet QUIET cubicle where no one needs Sprite, no one needs a small garbage can to puke in that I have the great privilege of cleaning out, no one needs a certain type of medicine that is NOT in the house at 1am, no one needs to be reminded to take their antibiotic, no pills need to be crushed into apple juice… Oh, oops. I said I wasn’t going to do that. I am just so very thankful to be laying out a magazine tomorrow I might just kiss my boss for hiring me and taking me away from all this wonderfulness at my house. The point is, everyone is 90% better, and in my book, that is good enough for me. BACK TO WORK AND SCHOOL Y’ALL!

But I did hit a low point today. Boyfriend called to say he was on his way home but had to go back to work later that night for something. Fine. Good. It meant I didn’t have to make the meatloaf dinner that my children were going to hate. Frozen pizza it was since he would not be here at dinner hour. Cool. A night where I don’t have to cook is a good night to me. It is about 5:30pm. I have been taking care of The Soph all day today and yesterday and she is feeling waaaay better. I tell the kids mommy needs 20 minutes to go run on the treadmill. The Soph asks if she can come watch. Yeah. Um. NO. I say, “This is mommy time. PLEASE LEAVE ME ALONE.” Ok, so she got a sad look on her face, and I could tell that maybe I had hurt her feelings. So I said, “Guilt won’t work. Get over it. It’s JUST 20 minutes. Unless the house gets set on fire or there is an earthquake LEAVE ME ALONE. Toodles!” And into my bedroom I went. I got on my running clothes, stretched, enjoyed the peace and vomit free environment and got on the treadmill. I put on my earphones and began running to the beautiful Jon Bon Jovi singing JUST TO ME. Ahhhh, life was good… Out the window I saw boyfriend pull in the driveway. About 2 minutes later he came in and walked over to me. I pretended not to see him in my peripheral vision. This was MY time. It was just JON AND ME. Well, he moved into my line of sight. “Do you want me to put the pizza in the oven?” he asks. “What?” I say with an annoyed voice dramatically pausing my ipod for effect. (Sophie gets it from me, I admit it freely) “Do you want me to put the pizza in now?” he says again. “Uh, whatever. I don’t think the kids are hungry yet. But if you are, yeah, fine….” I definitely got my ‘Do I not look busy to you and why are you asking me about frozen pizza NOW?!’ annoyed voice on. Not because he is really annoying me, I mean, the sweet man IS trying to help, but it is just, well, this is MY ONLY TIME TO MYSELF. So he takes the hint and walks away and I can care less if the pizza gets in now or 20 minutes later. I quicken my pace to Jon Jon’s ‘Have a Nice Day.’ Life is good again.

THEN. The Soph walks in. “Mooooom…I’m kinda hungry. But my stomach is a little growly, but I am not sure if it is growly in the hungry way or the throw up way. What do you think? Can I have a snack? Can you get me a snack? Should I have a snack? Can I have another Sprite? Noah just took one of MY Sprites. Aren’t they miiiine? I am the siiiick one!!” And. And. This is where I lost it people. Oh yes. I did.

At this moment Boyfriend was in the room, Noah was near the doorway to see what the verdict was on his Sprite stealing and Sophie, I believe, was still droning on…

I ripped off my ipod and yelled (as I am huffing and puffing, Jon Jon can really get me moving on the old treadmill) “Can’t (puff) you (huff) people (huff) JUST LEAVE ME ALONE FOR 20 DARN MINUTES??? CAN I PLEASE NOT BE A MOM FOR JUST A FEW MEASLY MINUTES??” (huffing, puffing going on now and I realize I need to be doing this MUCH more often, but I am not done yet, so I keep talking.) “Why don’t the three of you all go OUT in the OTHER room and figure out ALL ON YOUR OWN what to do!? I bet between the three of you, you don’t need me at all! NOW. GO. AWAY!” And I admit, Sophie looked, well, frightened and I am sure boyfriend and Noah did too, as they all got out of their ASAP. And I was so annoyed I ran an extra mile more than I intended partly from the annoyance, but mostly to NOT have to go back OUT THERE. So sure, I might be a bad mom, but hey I’ll be a thinner mom. I can live with that. heh.

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