putting your heart on the line

So guess what?? I sold Metro Bunny! A nice lady in the Netherlands (DUDE! The NETHERLANDS!) emailed me asking if it was for sale. She had also seen the postcard in Paris and by doing a google search found my entry. How freakin’ cool is that?!?! So apparently, the spot in my bathroom is a very magical spot now and helps me sell paintings. So um, my bathroom is now a gallery. No, not really, but if the next painting I put there sells as fast as this, well, I will be considering it. So I will be packaging and mailing my little bandaged bunny to it’s new home. And now I can buy the kids school supplies! Yay for lovely people that buy my art!

So next on the list of happy things is that we have a firm date for Hobby Lobby to review the products I helped create. It is in mid August and I am currently crossing all fingers and toes, arms and legs. And you can go ahead and cross yours too, I will take all the luck I can get.

Finally the project I was so happy to finally finish (in rough format) that I sent off to my agent is in her hands. I have not heard back from her yet and this weekend I am doing a sample illustration of a spread from the book to get to her. Let me tell you, being an artist is amazing, it is lovely, it is freeing and you get to get away with lots! (I am messy – Oh she is just a free spirit, you know those artist types. I am forgetful – Oh, you know those artists, their brains are always filled with creative ideas, they are bound to forget here and there. I can’t play an instrument – well, I just can’t but I wish I had a good excuse.) But the thing about being an artist, one that makes, or wants to make their living from their art is that you have to put your heart on the line. And that? That is NO FUN. You have to actually say, “Here world!! Here is my heart and soul on a piece of paper. Would you mind terribly judging it and telling me all the things that are wrong with it? Oh, and PLEASE be brutally honest, tell me it is just not good if you need to, because how else am I going to grow?” Yeah, THAT is not the fun part AT ALL.

But, if you want to be commercially viable, successful in certain areas, you have to do that. Now, I am NOT saying to change yourself for any industry, or create for someone else, but there is a fine line of compromise and of growth. I truly believe that people that “get” and love my art understand and feel the joy I experience when I paint and write. And I am sure if I tried to figure out what people wanted and tried to paint that, or write that, I would not feel authentic, it would not be coming from ME and well, it would not work. But at the same time, if someone in the field you want to be in, children’s books for instance, tells you that they love your work, but maybe you should consider this, or perhaps edit this writing with this in mind…Well, you are asking an expert. Someone that knows the business and knows what sells. The best part about my agent is that she gets me and my art, so if she has suggestions I take them because I know that she is not going to have me do something that would ultimately steer me away from what makes my art MY art and made her want to take a chance on me.

I am meandering a bit, and actually, I have only had some feedback on one thing so far from her, which I am going to rework this weekend, but I think what this post is about is my fear. All week long I have been stressing about my new book I sent her. What if she hates it? What if it isn’t good enough? What if she thinks it just would never fly? I have been preparing myself all week long for her response. And I already told Best Boyfriend Ever, that it might be hard for me to hear if it is bad news. But I will just need to wallow in it for a day or so, and then I will pick myself back up. Boyfriend hates it when I am sad and mopey, so I am trying to prepare him that I will HAVE to be sad and mopey, but just for a bit. It’s funny, my book is about facing your worst fear, not just any old fear, but your absolute WORST EVER FEAR and what happens. Well in my book, the worst DOES happen. Because dude, that is life. Every kid book I know says to face your worst fear and lookee there!? Nothing bad happened! You were all scared for nothing, you silly!! But that is so not true! In real life the worst does happen. But then what? That is what I wrote my book about. what happens when you are suddenly in your fear, living it and thinking, “Holy crap! I wish I had NEVER tried this, this totally sucks!!” Ok, so I don’t say crap and suck, cause even I know that would not probably fly in a kids’ book, but the sentiment is there on the pages.

So anyway, I am waiting right now for my worst fear to happen. To hear that the book is not good enough and the thing I have put off for three years is not ready, not viable, not GREAT and WONDERFUL like I want to hear. And what will happen after that? Well, I guess I will be mopey and sad for a bit. Then life will still go on.

A scene from my book:

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