Bathing suit season. Ugh. Why God, why?

The alternate title to this entry was, “Just in case I was feeling TOO good about myself, I went and tried on bathing suits.”

The beach trip: 6 days away! Bathing suit bought. Running for the past 6 months made the experience of shopping for it slightly less than horrific. SLIGHTLY. But when will they make those fluorescent lights illegal? Srsly. They are just mean. And maybe make me cry. Am I REALLY that lumpy? Really?? Sigh…

Where do I start this feel good, pat on the back, confidence building mission, you ask? Target of course! Because um, is there anywhere else to shop? I forget. I just always go there. It is like a bullseye beacon luring me there.

So there I am, pondering the color choices this year, turquoise is big, the styles they will give us – boy there are a lot of string bikinis. Do the buyers hate us that much? Have they not SEEN the average Target shopper? And while I have been working out? Um, I could not wear a string bikini when I was 19, much less now. Just not the string bikini havin’ body ya know? I like to work out, I like to look decent, but that food thing, that drinking thing and lack of personal trainer and a contract with Jenny Craig keeps getting in my way of oh, I don’t know, having Valerie Bertinelli’s new body. Just sayin’.

So, moving on. I am looking and a guy walks up to me and another woman pondering what we are willing to be seen in public wearing, and asks, “Ladies, what is a halter top?” She begins to explain, I scan the tops and grab one, “This is a halter top.”

He replies, “That’s what I thought! Thanks! My girlfriend said to buy her a halter top bikini.” And he walks away all triumphant and proud of himself.

I look at the woman. She looks at me.

I say, “Well, there is NO WAY IN HELL I am sending my boyfriend to pick out a bathing suit for me!”

She says, “I guess she has a great body.”

To which I reply, “We hate her, right?” she smiles, “Oh yeah!” And we part ways, but we had a moment. Oh yes we did.

I did go on to find a not awful suit despite how much the buyers and designers for Target obviously hate their shoppers.

I intend on all the margaritas at the beach to help me forget about the being seen in public part. heh.

And then I went and bought some tan in a can for my pasty white body. Don’t want to BLIND anyone with the glare of my legs. Cause, I am considerate like that.

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