Well, it has been a week since my last day of ‘guaranteed paycheck’ work. After the anxiety stopped…oh wait, it didn’t. As a matter of fact, I have had nightmares every night since then. I would tell you about them, but I don’t want to give YOU sweet people any nightmares. But to sum up? I apparently am very scared that I will end up never making another dime and living in a cardboard box. And that there are little toddlers that run around burning other toddlers favorite dolls and stuffed animals on a grill until they are a charred mass on a stick and then taunt the other toddlers with them. Like I said, NIGHTMARES. And don’t even get me GOING on literally the saddest children’s book ever thought of. I woke up BAWLING. Issues? Too much prozac? Too LITTLE?
But I decided to use that fear to drive me instead of paralyze me. I use it to work harder. I use it to work longer. Fear can be turned around, twisted inside out and turned into determination. And that is what I am doing. In the past week I have talked to sales reps with my publishing company, set up going to two festivals and one book fair this fall, contacted a company that prints painting reproductions on canvas so I can start selling those on my website and at festivals, set up a deal with my coloring book peeps to hopefully drive traffic and sales to my site, finished a dummy book and sent that and the text to my editor (crossing fingers!!!) made 2 new Whatif Monsters, sketched a completely new one and am hoping to finish 2 large commissions by Friday.
So all in all I am keeping myself nice and busy. And I love it. And I have moved past the anxiety and fear into perseverance and determination. I hope never to think about retirement because this is work I never want to stop doing. One week down and as many as I can fit in until I take my last breath to go!
So grateful for this life I get to live.
And last night my hunnie took me to see Jimmy Buffett. He hired a driver to take us there and drive us home. It was heaven. AND I caught Jimmy’s guitar pick!! I TOTALLY think he will want to license my “Fins Up Whatif Monster” don’t you??? I think it is a SIGN!